A Precious New Life On The Way

After reading friend's blog about her fight against breast cancer and her faith in God, I was reminded of a song that I'm often reminded of throughout my pregnancy.  Before Nathan and I were diagnosed as infertile I remember listening to this song and praying it to God.  The song is Hurricane by Jimmy Needham.  I remember praying to God "Please tear my walls down.  I need to feel alive and like I have a purpose on this earth."  I have to admit that when I prayed this I was excited and terrified at the same time.  What was I asking for?  The beaty of it was I didn't know...It was for God to take over my life and use me.  Little did I know he already had a plan.  A plan that involved a storm that would test my faith in God.  Faith that would show if I really believed that my God was all powerful, all knowing, merciful, compassionate, loving, and the Creator.  Never was my storm easy.  Some days I hurt less than others, but it was always there.  In the eye of the storm I would cry because I would receive an invitation to a baby shower, see parents holding baby, read a pregnancy announcement on Facebook, or someone would ask when I was going to start a family.  There was a constant reminder that my husband and I couldn't have what came so naturally to others. 

Looking back I ask myself, was it that Nathan and I couldn't have what came so naturally to others, or did God bless us by giving us something that so many others haven't experienced.  I have been shown that God is constantly presenting Himself in different situations in life to give us an opportunity to grow.  A chance to learn more about our God and how he feels about us.  I feel that I have been chosen by God and blessed beyond what I can imagine because of our situation.

I remember about one week before we found out we were pregnant I asked God "Why can't we have what makes so many other people so happy?  Why don't I deserve this kind of  love.  I want to love a child like You love me."  Throughout our experience with infertility I tried to remain strong.  I tried not to question God, but just put my faith in Him that no matter what the outcome I would be alright.  I still believe that I would have been alright if the outcome were different.  However, I heard a sermon about a week before this prayer that reminded me to ASK, SEEK, KNOCK.   Matthew 7:7-8 says

⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

What stood out to me this time that I missed every other time I had read it was that I wasn't supposed to just ask one time and expect a response.  I am to ask for what my heart desires, seek God's will, and knock and wait for God to open the door.  God was telling me that it was ok for me to keep asking repeatedly Him for what I wanted so badly.  So I did and here we are: Nathan, me, and Baby I on the way!

Here are the lyrics to the song that I felt God used to change my life:

Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

I have built a city here,
half with pride and half with fear,
I just wanted a safer place to hide,
I don't wanna be safe tonight.
(Chorus)

I need you like a hurricane,
thunder crashing wind and rain,
to tear my walls down,
I'm only yours now.
I need you like a burning flame,
wild fire untamed,
to burn these walls down,
I'm only yours now,
I'm only yours now.

I am yours and you are mine,
You know far better than I,
And if destruction's what I need,
Then I'll recieve it Lord from Thee,
Yes, I'll recieve it Lord from Thee,
(Chorus)

And it's your eye in the storm,
watching over me,
and its your eye in the storm,
wanting only good from me,
and if you are the war,
let me be your casualty,
til I'm yours alone, I am only yours.
I am yours alone, Lord.
(Chorus)

The storm has passed and we have a precious life on the way!  God loves His children and wants them to experience that to the fullest!  I thank my God for all that He has done for me!  I can't wait to see what else He has planned!